Motherfucker

Ernest Bruce
8 min readOct 16, 2020
the land where dreams come true

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/supreme-court-census-count_n_5f861453c5b6c5eccffb4b87

let us talk about our cowardly motherfucker of a president

hold up; motherfucker is an insult?

no fucking way!

it is my goal, my obsession, to be a motherfucker

motherfucking, like regular fucking, is good

mothers have suffered through pregnancy and childbirth

they also have to contend with their breasts, leaking all over the fucking place at the most inopportune moments like, for example, an all hands emergency meeting

while nonmothers are encouraged to display their bosoms, mothers who need to feed their babies, future humanity, are discouraged from doing so in public; why, the fuck, why?

this is because men (including myself) are monkeybrain idiots, that is, we men are stupider than a stupid monkey

is there anything more beautiful than a mother or wetnurse who feeds a hungry baby?

if your answer is yes, youre an fucking idiot

mothers need to be fucked good, slow, with passion *and* expertise so that they receive the pleasure they deserve

we should found The Motherfucking Research Institute (TMRI) whose main mission is teaching lazy ignoramuses (men) how to motherfuck *correctly*

that means, the fucking does. not. stop. until the mother is satisfied; this may be quick in some circumstances, but a laborious, yet satisfying, task in others

HOLY SHIT! (calm down, it is just a pair words) there is nothing “holy” in this fucking planet; you all who believe in an all seeing all knowing, all giving, and all murdering “god,” are out of your FUCKING MINDS; GET OVER THAT SHIT ALREADY; JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! (again, just words they refer to NOTHING)

> why, in the hell, do you say “bless you” when a person with allergies sneezes but noting at all when the same person is coughing zir (gender-neutral single pronoun) lungs out?

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! how many people have died because of this FUCKING belief in a Santa Claus for adults

in battle and in soccer games, both sides appeal to god; does this mean that the loosing team comprises a bunch of infidels? so fucking stupid

there is no fucking heaven and there is no fucking hell; it is just men behaving badly, we fucking bastards

why is the world run by idiots who *say* that they are talking to “god” when they pray?

was “the honorable, the pious Jerry Falwell Jr. praying while his wife was fucking the pool boy?

The Poolboy Motherfucker

dont get me wrong; i think thats hot; would i team up to ensure that a hot mother gets a good motherfucking?

hell fucking yeah!

where Falwell fucked up is when he instructed (ordered?) people not to hug for more than three or five seconds, lest the perpetrators incur the wrath of, wait for it, god

and people actually believe this fucking bullshit!

these preachers and priests are talking to themselves, not “praying,” reminding themselves of the balances in their bank accounts, or the twelve-year-old boy they fell in lust with; sick fucking bastards

tithing is a fucking racket perpetrated by the ultimate human-control institution: the catholic fucking church

many of these people are dear, close friends and family of mine, and i love them

i tell them, STOP DRINKING THE FUCKING COOL AID AND LEARN SOME SCIENCE ALREADY!

oh yeah; that bible you guys read all the time (except president fucking trump, of course) is a bad mind-control tool, filled with FUCKING LIES, terrible ABUSE OF WOMEN, and……. FUCKING SLAVERY!

FUCK THE BIBLE

throw them in the trash, er., recycle bin so they actually contribute to saving the world

STOP WAITING FOR THE FUCKING RAPTURE; NOT GONNA HAPPEN

back to motherfucking

we need teaching aids, such as accurate depictions of the vagina, so that the would-be-motherfucker can build a mental map of the soft, moist, delicious terrain

dicks are ugly, but they are designed to pleasure the precious vagina, giver of life, so let us keep them

but some monsters use their dicks to inflict pain on women

these dicks (penises; i had to specify because we’re also dealing with “dicks”) are assault weapons that should be confiscated from the perpetrators upon conviction

blah blah blah; dont talk to me about inhumane this or inhumane that: off with their raping dicks! we all know thats the only way boys will learn

anyone who utters the phrase “boys will be boys” deserves to have those boys play around with zir asshole; see how it feels

vagina owners like to be gently prepared for the exploration of the treasures hidden in their muffs; motherfuckers must not just plow the vagina like they unclog a fucking toilet, as this inflicts pain on the owner; motherfuckers must always observe the subject to ensure that zie likes what zie is experiencing

imagine the vagina is a popsicle; do you just eat in one fell swoop? no. you lick, lick, and lick, melting the popsicle, facilitating the release of its juices; this is essentially how a motherfucker prepares the subject for the main event; there are other, advanced, techniques that motherfuckers should learn about and practice on their friendly vagina owner

the vagina contains hidden treasures that, when found and activated *gently*, cause the subject to utter the most beautiful and delicious sounds ever heard (a motherfucker fails when the subject, out of boredom, pain, or pity, is forced to fake-news her moans; and that is sad for all parties involved)

this is why music producers add such sounds to music of all kinds, especially EDM

this is why girls, boys, women, men, AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN, become entranced with the harmonious sounds of female vocalists, some of them mothers, mothers who need to be fucked good (kids, it is actually “fucked well,” but my version sounds better)

every mother should be a MILF

the art of good fucking is almost gone; it needs to be saved

stupid stigmas must be eradicated

a person going down on the woman zie loves should not be taboo; it should be the law of the land, like a woman’s right to decide what happens to her own fucking body

until right-to-life means the protection of ALL HUMAN LIFE, such as the homeless, the hungry, immigrant children, families in need, harassed LGBTQI individuals, women who dress “too sexy,” and therefore male idiots (wait, thats redundant, hmm, i’ll leave it) assume that they are down to fuck or down to be killed, people who use that phrase should SHUT THE FUCK UP

“i will apply the law without my personal believes” my ass

youre a fucking paid pawn of the authoritarian right

i never believed that was possible in this country

i hate god-damm hypocrites

get the fuck out of here with that shit

the majority of this country supports a woman’s right to determine what happens to her body

fucking men; if they were the ones who got pregnant, we would be in a totally different fucking situation

women are mentally, emotionally, and logically superior to men, that is a proven fact

if this was a matriarchy there would be no wars because women know better

their minds are wired correctly

men are walking dicks who cannot control themselves; they know that women are superior to them mentally and emotionally; thats why they control them physically

https://overcast.fm/+Ys-1wRO9o

how fucking embarrassing is that?

what gives men the right to demand that pussy be provided to them? that pussy belongs to a woman, and men are not allowed there, under any circumstances, unless invited by the pussy’s owner

these fucking abusive INCELs must be dealt with somehow, fucking weak bastards

oh, yeah, all you Republicans, you done started some shit with the Supreme Court, son

theres a saying, “you won the battle but lost the war”

change is coming

justices are coming, you best believe justices are coming; the conservative cabal in the Supreme Court will be neutralized

let me conclude this essay with some inspiring words:

IM BACK BI, er, GALS and, ugh, guys, and EVERYBODY else who doesnt IDENTIFY with those two limiting categories

inclusivity is positivity (dont know what it means, but it rhymes nicely)

oh, yeah, men deserve no respect until they prove that they can behave

so embarrassing for us

god dam it, i still havent addressed the clinically obese shitface in the room

ok ok

shitface is a fucking psychopath who was brought up by another fucking psychopath

president shitface has no morals, no guide, no code

he’s just blood, bones, and guts that eat McDonalds food because he’s a fucking idiot

> people these days use ad hominem attacks as part of their communication strategy; i have decided to embrace it; with my apologies to the wise, poised, and inspiring, Michelle Obama, in war, when they go low, you kick their teeth in

if he had his way, i would be dead

yes, this poor excuse of a living organism, attempts to destroy everything President Obama made, such as the VTC, my home for the past eight months

this talking amalgam of dirty fucking worms and barnacles says that he is for the troops

first, he’s a fucking draft dodger, a coward; let us remember that when people *loyal* to this country were called to serve, they did; while this fucking whore dedicated himself to trying to insert his minuscule dick on the dangerous alleys of New York nightlife, grabbing and fucking pussies (maybe even asses, male asses, i dont know, but people are saying that trump sucks gay mens dicks and asses and eats their shit)

people should look into that

we need to find out whether orangeshitface is a big fancy boy, which would be absolutely ok if he was not berating LGBTQI individuals and bragging about his big hands and HUGE dick

we have it in good Stormy Daniels authority that IT IS ALL FAKE NEWS

he’s like the fat, stupid kid that topples your Jenga game because you can count to ten and he gets stuck at four

this fucking guy gets Covid-19 and, instead of ensuring that he doesnt infect his family, his staff, and other government officials, he walks around without a mask, coughing all over the place, infecting everybody stupid enough to get near that bag of orange lard

then, when the highly trained doctors and staff whose job is to ensure that clinically obese lardbag over here doesnt die of Covid-19 take him to one of the most advanced hospitals in the country, what does he do? he goes for a ride in his toy car, infecting everybody in the car because he’s an idiot

then, or maybe before, i’m not sure, he plumps his fat ass on a desk pretending to do work by writing his name on a blank piece of paper; what is this? detention for fucking morons?

then he claims that getting Covid-19 is a gift from god

we already discussed the fallacy of god

but this idiot saying that he doesnt feel contagious is like Stormy saying that trump has a big dick; the facts do not corroborate those statements

orangeshitface is not a doctor

nobody can tell whether they are infectious, even the fucking tests cannot guarantee that someone is not contagious

the stupidity of this creature has no bounds; paraphrasing Verizon, it is unlimited

· THIS RIGHT HERE IS OUR FAVORITE FUCKING PRESIDENT!?

we done wrong, people

HELP US CORRECT THIS FUCKING MISTAKE

go motherfucking vote! and take your family and friends

EVERYTHING IS ON THE LINE THIS TIME:

  • women’s rights
  • everybodys health
  • the wellbeing of citizens who are not billionaires
  • human decency
  • the right of LGBTQI people to pursue their happiness
  • the fact-based education of our kids
  • even our system of capitalism is in danger with this brain-damaged mollusk at the wheel

VOTE, MOTHERFUCKER, VOTE!

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Ernest Bruce

feminist, progressive, Army veteran, patriot, Apple alum, thinker